this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
