Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
