Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
