I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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