Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
