I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
