My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
