he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
