i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Randomize
