Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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