FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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