sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
