Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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