I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
