it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
