Christians are straight up FREAKS
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Help me help you realize you are a moron
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
