I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
