I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
