Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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