YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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