I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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