i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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