Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
