The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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