you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
