I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
