Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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