Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
