that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
