so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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