Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
