He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
