i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
