That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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