My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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