I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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