what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
