Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
