A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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