Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
