she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
