Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
