Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
