I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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