i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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