I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
