anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
did you just send me my own nude
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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