No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
