There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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