did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
