I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I see more hoeing in ur future
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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