Swine flu. Run for my life!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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