I showed him my bush... on skype.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
