I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
