so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
